10/21/07 CONAN: “Serenis can wear Seiki’s clothes. She is thin and frail. So is the elf.” CHRIS: “Yeah, sure…it will be just tight around the hips and bust.” CONAN: “Not so much around the hips.” CONAN: “We just encountered your people around a dyson sphere.” GM: “A dyson sphere?” CONAN: “Yeah…its like…ah…kinda like a dome…no…wait…that’s wrong…like a double dome, and it--” GM: “You mean sphere…I know sphere. I am not hung up on the sphere part.” MIKE: “I occasionally check over my shoulder to make sure my mech is still there CONAN: “Or what, its been stolen by space Mexicans?” GM: “You pick up a transmission from Issaac…(Garble) They’re Dead (Pop) (Fizz) Help (Static) Oh GOD (Garble) Chocolate (Static) Ice Cream.” GM: “You see dozens of bodies, all stacked.” MIKE: “Like huge tits?” GM: “So of the three aliens, they all speak horribly except Yarios. He has a speech impediment…that he speaks perfect English.” CONAN: “He’s my favorite.” GM: “Yeah, Nikita steals five boxes of stims from the medical lockup and leaves a note, I owe you 5 boxes of stims, Nikita.” CONAN: “I probably spelled boxes with a Q.” CAM: “Took them all in one shot.” GM: “He spend the whole evening unrolling every toilet roll on the ship…then re-rolled them.” 10/10/07 CONAN: “I have been drinking this stuff the Yarix make…care to have a sip?” CAM: “It smells like them.” CONAN: “Oh god…what have I been drinking.” GM: “Spitting helps with the fermentation.” CONAN: “Ah screw it, I drink it anyway.” GM: “Yarix coffee…made from pure Yarix manseed.” CONAN: “Yes, well, Serenis can feel the dead…well…not…literally…although technically I can’t assume something like that.” MIKE: “We can teach them how to seed…herd…” CONAN: “Seed herds….what…plant cows?” GM: “How old are you?” CONAN: “100” MIKE: “I’m like…85.” CAM: “23.” CONAN: “23?” CAM: “Yeah half elves reach adulthood sooner but they age slower after that.” SCHUYLER: “I’m 9.” MIKE: “When we catch cats or skunks, were told to just dump the cages in the water and drown them.” CONAN: “Oh my god…serious?” MIKE: “Yeah…” CAM: “Jesus…why not just hit them with a club?” CONAN: “Cause that’s CRUEL!” 09/16/07 GM: “You can buy a coupon book. 50 gold worth of savings for 5.” CAM: “I get one.” SCHUYLER: “So do I…then I find some hookers.” GM: “You don’t want to pay for a hooker that accepts coupons.” CHRIS: “They’re pagus. They’re your people.” SCHUYLER: “No…I mean they are my people…but they are not MY people. I don’t own them.” CAM: “He’s not buying them beer. He’s not renting them shoes…” CHRIS: “You have great cleave.” SCHUYLER: “No, I don’t…” CONAN: “Don’t imagine it would be any good.” SCHUYLER: “Yeah, I don’t actually kill anyone.” GM: “He pulls out an old style quill.” SCHUYLER: “What, there is such a thing as a new style quill.” CHRIS: “Its an absolutely valid statement.” SCHUYLER: “No it isn’t…its like there are old quills and new quills. Like there are great advances in quill technology.” CHRIS: “It’s a valid statement, you’re just misinterpreting it.” CAM (to Schuyler): “Why are you such a bitch?” SCHUYLER: “Its like having and old style key…oh wait…” GM: “Wow…” CONAN: “Schuyler 0, Group 1.” CONAN: “I go to the orphanage and pick up some kids with these coupons.” SCHUYLER: “Buy 1, get 1 for food.” CAM: “Eat your weight in orphans.” 08/27/07 GM: “The Pagus are not really keeping score…Its like Team A has 24 points and Team B has C” CONAN: “20 points to Ham.” CAM: “B5 to C2. You’ve sunk my scrabbleship.” GM: “So you stand at the front of the church and start the service. Roll diplomacy.” CONAN: “Or Perform…” GM: “Or Perform…not intimidation.” CHRIS: “No…unless it’s a catholic service.” GM: “Ooooo.” GM: “Okay, Cam enters the room and show a dancing trophy, “They’re just giving these away” and he walks on. A few seconds later, Schuyler appears and passes the room. He holds up a woman’s unconious body by her head’s hair, “They’re just giving these away…” SCHUYLER: “They say your porn name is your first pets name and the street you grew up on.” GM: “Tiger Tavares.” CONAN: “Larry Eastwood” SCHUYLER: “Barret Gunarm.” CONAN: “Frodo…Frodo…Mchobbiton?” CAM: “This is getting more laime.” CONAN: “Yeah, cause is started out as a masterpiece.” GM: “No one’s brains naturally explode.” 07/29/07 GM: “Its true…some groups spelled wizard with a “Y”…Wyzard.” CHRIS: “It’s a stupid as women who spell it with a “Y”…I just want to smack them. And women who spell it that way REALLY don’t like that” CONAN: “Yeah cause normal women totally welcome it.” CONAN: “Do as I say Lieutenant.” SCHUYLER: “I am not a lieutenant anymore.” CONAN: “No?” SCHUYLER: “I’m Captain, I got promoted when I changed my name.” GM: “It’s like finding a monkey in a rainforest…from Jupiter.” GM: “That sphere is made of the exact same stuff as the dagger shard you guys found on that planet.” MIKE: “Exactly the same material, shape, and form?” GM (Pause): “Well…not shape and form?” MIKE (Longer pause): “...right…” GM: “One’s a sphere, the other is a dagger…” MIKE: “Right…” CONAN: “I tell Abraski to do it.” GM: “Abraski is not pleased about it.” CONAN: “And I double check his math to. Make sure he is not trying to fuck me on the equations. 4+2+douchebag=son of a bitch!!” 07/11/07 SCHUYLER: “BURP Yeah…two lasagnas for the price of one.” CONAN: “If you don’t chew it, it doesn’t count.” CAM: “Have you ever walked down wooden stairs with whool socks…its like slipping and falling on ice...17 times.” CHRIS: “Building a black gate is a bad idea. What if demons come out?” CONAN: “Don’t worry. I can control it.” CAM: “You can’t even control urinating…” CONAN: “We’re gong to change the Kwan class.” GM: “What part?” CONAN: "The abilities. Change everything.” GM: “Oh really” CONAN: “Well not really…I just want to take the entries and remove them.” GM (short pause): “Isn’t that exactly the same thing you just said…” CAM: “He finally found my dice bag.” GM: “Where was it?” CONAN: “Go ahead….tell them.” CAM: “He found them in his shoe.” GM: “His shoe?” CAM: “--Which was in his couch.” GM: “Why was a shoe in your couch.” CONAN: “--You see, that’s the question people SHOULD be asking!” 06/26/07 SCHUYLER: “Chronicles of Narnia II…Narnier.” GM: “We’ll use a compressed tachyon beam.” CONAN: “Vodoo…gotcha…” GM: “You see that locked vase in the corner?” CONAN: “Yeah?” GM: “Open it.” CONAN: “It…isn’t for peeing?” CONAN: “How many are left?” GM: “Well…maybe 1.” CONAN: “That’s not a question with that kind of answer.” CAM: “Is that up to and including zero?” SCHUYLER: “I reach into my bag and pull out a….a….a…BAT. I throw it at it.” GM: “You throw the bat at the bad guy?” SCHUYLER: “Yeah…what with the bats and all?…” GM: “So perform a search check, Conan.” CONAN: “Hmm? Nikes?” GM: “There is nothing I said which sounds anything like…Nikes…” GM: “Isn’t that right?” CONAN: “What?” CHRIS: “What?” CAM: (BURP)!! GM: “…Usually I go to Cam for the intelligence.” 06/17/07 (The image shows a towering castle with bats flying out of it) SCHUYLER: “We should be cautious…don’t leave the horses here…” CHRIS: “Why?” SCHUYLER: “What with the bats and all.” CONAN: “Oh god…its funny cause its true…” SCHUYLER: “I’ll get a Propane torch and burn all your eyes out.” CONAN: “I’ld like to see that.” SCHUYLER: “You wouldn’t…” (Conan laughs) CONAN: “Oh god, I laughed at that…” CHRIS: “And you can’t take it back!” CONAN: “I know I can’t.” GM: “Hah ha, Hah hah—” (stops suddenly) SCHUYLER: “You get it? Because—“ CAM: “YEAH, NO, we get it!” SCHUYLER: “I can run as fast as the horses.” GM: “Not with the Mount swiftness spell.” CONAN: “Just cast the spell on him.” CHRIS: “You can’t. It only work on animals.” CONAN: “Yeah, cast the spell on him.” CHRIS: “Animals…creatures with an Intelligence score 3 or less.” CONAN: “Yeah, cast the spell on him.” CAM: “You see, that, I saw coming.” SCHUYLER: “Aha…I run fast!” CAM: “Oh god, I hit him with a pie!” MIKE: “I like pie…” CAM: “…Okay…THAT I didn’t see coming…” CONAN: “So, I tell the dire bear to charge into the room with the Orcs. When he enters, I cast light on him…It should scare them.” GM: “How?” CONAN: “Intimidate.” CHRIS: “Bears don’t have an intimidate skill.” CONAN: “Are you telling me they won’t be scared by a giant glowing bear!?” SCHUYLER: “Oh GOD, it’s the second coming of bear jesus!!” 04/15/07 CONAN: “How much noise does a dire bear make? CAM: “All of it…” CHRIS: “What, you can’t turn into a Dragon anymore?” CONAN: “No…” MIKE: “Did you not suck the right cock?” SCHUYLER: “These Pagus…are making me thirsty!” GM: “What would a Kwan cloak be made out of, you think?” CONAN: “What do you mean?” GM: “What is it made out of? CONAN: “Lead…Probably lead…Lead and babies.” CAM: “I Draw a pair of daggers.” SCHUYLER: “You have pencil and paper?” (Long pause) SCHUYLER: “…get it!” CAM: “OH MY GOD!!” SCHUYLER: “I blame that entirely on everyone else.” CONAN: “Oh great, the guy who designed it totally forgot how it worked” SCHUYLER: “I breath on it.” CHRIS: “Luckily, it has Damage reduction 10/ Halitosis.” 03/31/07 CAM: “This what happens when you act like a retard, you don’t get invited to dinner.” SCHUYLER: “Yeah, I would throw food on the walls.” There are two Argus vessels, the HMS and the TBA CAM: “Retire to the Argus.” SCHUYLER: “Which one?” CAM (loud, faking a dumb, redneck laugh): “HEHUHEHUHUH!” GM: “You emerge from the gate and are hit with a crosswind that suddenly decelerates you at 20Gs.” CAM: “He just got turned into a pulled pork sandwich.” GM: “Did you get much sleep last night?” CONAN (looks up from book): “Hmmm? Cheese?” The group is ambushed on a train by a ninja-golem with two blades and a bad attitude. Very quickly, the fight turns bad. The group pushes the golem on a rear train car and detaches the car. The golem leaps over to the group again and the fight continues. The two main fighters are near death. In the back, the druid chants something in secret. The fight continues badly…until a four armed ape creature called a Girallon appears behind the golem, screams, grapples the golem, and jumps off the back of the train. Suffice to say the group is a little…surprised… CHRIS: “Well…good thing that APE showed up…” SCHUYLER: “Did a monkey just appear and save our life?” CONAN: “Fairly good use of Gorilla Mechanics.” CAM: “Heh, Gorilla Warfare.” CONAN: “I’ve had enough of the puns.” GM: “Okay so the two fall off and roll around on the tracks. The ape looks up…it survived…” CONAN: “Thumbs up—“ GM: “—and then the train you detached approaches from behind…SPLAT!!” CONAN (eyes open): “…My god is so angry with me…” 03/25/07 CONAN: “Why did those monsters attack…they want to kill you?” GM (playing a woman): “Yes.” CONAN: “Why?” GM: “They are attracted to people like me?” SCHUYLER: “I am attracted to people like you and I don’t kill you…” MIKE: “Roll dice and do something you piece of shit!” SCHUYLER: “I could fire my megabeam.” GM: “You fire the megabeam, you’ll saw the island in half.” GM: “Well, some Fuyranis are ok.” CAM: (imitates pointing a gun): “Do you work for Giros? (Imitating a prisoner) Yeah. BLAM!! (Imitates pointing to another prisoner) You work for Giros? (Imitates prisoner) No. BLAM!!! (Imitates pointing to another prisoner) You work for Giros? (Imitates prisoner, who jibbers incoherently) Uhubabubahuhahbuba! CONAN: “Crom Laugh at your four winds.” SCHUYLER: “My god rules the sky.” CONAN: “…That is significantly better than Crom.” SCHUYLER: “It is.” CONAN: “I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.” CAM (to Schuyler): “We’re discussing religion with the Muslim Cleric. Want to join in?” CONAN: “Tell us about Buddha?” SCHUYLER: “Well, they kicked the Dali Lama out…and…then…China moved in…” CAM: “Why don’t you worship Llamas?” CAM: “How much?” GM (as Merchant): “50 gp.” (Cam rolls Diplomacy. He rolls well) CAM: “Do better.” GM: “10 each.” CAM: “3 for 30…” (pause) GM: “….deal…” (yet another pause) CHRIS: “He just said 10.” CAM: “I didn’t hear that.” CONAN: “We can open a balck gate…we know how…those scientists on that planet could do it. They told us they could right before they died…” (a short pause) CONAN: “Ohh right!” CHRIS: “…right after we burned all their papers…” CONAN: “Oh…” SCHUYLER: “I think we should take the ship for ourselves.” CAM: “You don’t get a vote lieutenant--” CONAN: “--And my bathroom is still not clean.” SALEENA: “Why are you here.” SCHUYLER: “Blow Jobs…” CHRIS: “I pull out my sword.” SCHUYLER: “…and he bursts into gay…I mean flame.” (Cam shakes his head) CAM: “Why do you exist?” GM: “There’s movement in the distance.” MIKE: “I rouse everybody.” CONAN: “God that’s hot.” SCHUYLER: “You see something Lassie?!” 03/07/07 GM: “So Teryn casts Hide from Undead.” CAM: “Okay…so don’t touch ANYTHING.” (LATER) GM: ““You enter a room, there are six pillars…on each one a corpse is splayed across.” SCHUYLER: “I touch one.” CAM: “What? Don’t touch it!” SCHUYLER: “Whatever…(poke)” GM: “It opens its eyes and attacks you!” CONAN: “Zombies!” SCHUYLER: “Wait…I though the cleric had the spell so they don’t pick us up?” CHRIS: “You touched one….it dispels it.” SCHUYLER: “I didn’t know that!” CAM: “I told you not to touch anything!” SCHUYLER: “I didn’t hear that part.” CAM: “I thought she was dead.” SCHUYLER: “If her rack’s alive, its all good.” CONAN: “I took the hit on the shield…well, by shield, I mean face.” SCHUYLER: “Of GOD the WALLS ARE CLOSING IN!” CAM: “Those are children.” SCHUYLER: “GAAAAAARRRR!!!” CONAN: “I check the radar.” GM: “Make a spot check.” CONAN (rolls): “…Umm…Oh look…tomatoes SCHUYLER: “We’re already their enemies. They just don’t know it yet.” 02/28/07 CHRIS: “Its totally useless me being inside the enemy docking bay. I can’t do enough damage.” CONAN: “How many kills does it have?” GM: “400.” CONAN: “How much damage can you do in a round?” CHRIS: “180.” CONAN: “So only half the ship is damaged in a round. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” CHRIS: “I can do that outside.” CONAN: “No..outside, you still miss on a 1 and 2.” CAM: “I can’t belive I only AUTOMATICALLY HIT.” CAM: “Pass the three-hole punch.” SCHUYLER: “I’ll show you a three hole punch.” CAM: “Three new holes or three old holes?” CAM: “Find, you stay, Nikita and I will debrief Issac.” CHRIS: “But he’s already not wearing pants…” SCHUYLER: “Oh Jesus, why don’t you get captured and bitch about it some more!” MIKE: “You know what, I will!!!” CHRIS: “He already has a scythe.” GM: <Sigh> CAM: “Oh that’s awful.” GM: “You see what looks like a Glibbering Mouther that has had its skin wrapped around a humanoid skeleton. This massive beast can be seen lumbering away in another direction.” CONAN: “I may be grasping at straws, but my instinct says we should leave it alone.” SCHUYLER: “He may just be taking home a jug of milk for the wife.” CONAN: “Owned! Hoisted by his own PICARD!!” GM: “You have been called by Queen” CONAN: “Queen…they’re still around?” CAM: “Freddy Mercury’s back.” CONAN: “Zombie Mercury.” 02/23/07 GM: “Aiden Romanov steps forward. Yes Mischa named one his children after Aiden.” CONAN: “Must be one of the girls…” GM: “No, HE is one of the larger men.” SCHUYLER: “I want to wrestle him.” CONAN: “Boy, that’s not gay.” GM: “You bird flies back.” MIKE: “What did you see?” GM: “KAKAAW!” MIKE: “We can communicate.” CONAN: “KAKAAW! What is it? KAKAAW!! Angry? KAKAAW! Aroused?” GM: “He has the floor.” CONAN: “PUT IT BACK!” MIKE: “I can walk on walls. He can have it.” GM: “Well, Teryn can contact the queen.” CAM: “She’s here?” TERYN: “Yes, I am. I thought I was the one that was blind.” CAM: “Holy Shit! Where’d you come from?” GM: “Okay, you lift the monster off of Byss.” CAM: “I’ve been freshly squeezed.” SCHUYLER: “I’ve always wanted to be eaten by spiders…no wait, no I don’t.” 02/08/07 CAM: “Oh god, this is going to be just like that scene in Last Starfighter where the guys head melted away isn’t it?” CAM: “We need a solution to rescue Issac.” CONAN: “Nah, just let him escape on his own.” CAM: “He’s not here so the player cannot escape.” CONAN: “Ahh, let just assume he escapes on his own.” CHRIS: “Are we going to be honorable?” CONAN: “No—“ CHRIS: “…or assholes?” CONAN: “Yes.” GM: “We need a tactics roll…who has ranks.” CAM: “I have six.” CHRIS: “Eight.” SCHUYLER: “I have nineteen in Tactics.” CAM: “Jesus Fucking Christ.” 01/24/07 CAM: “Look!” Schuyler looks at Cam. CAM: “Don’t look at the HAND! Look where I am pointing!” SCHUYLER: “Are you addicted to rage-ahol?” SCHUYLER: “He really sworded you pretty good.” CONAN: “Who was he?” CAM: “He played that pirate in Pirates of the Carribean.” CONAN (sarcastic and deadpan): “That’s amazing…” CONAN: “We need to go to the Yarix ship to warn them.” CAM: “Just call them.” CONAN: “Oh right, this is future. We have phones!” GM: “You have a spark in your—“ CONAN: “Spork?” GM: “Spark!” CONAN: “Ohhhh!!!!” CONAN: “No you have the clever blending of fork and spoon. INGENIOUS!!” CAM: “I don’t know to stab you with my fork or gouge your eyes out with a spoon. There are so many options!” (Chris’s Character is named Seiki) CAM: “We need four pilots to go along with you.” CONAN: “Fine, I’ll take three of our good friends…and Seiki….” 01/10/07 SCHUYLER: “Let’s split up!” CAM: “NO, Retard!” SCHUYLER: “We can cover more ground.” CAM: “Are you insane! Have you not learned anything from….anything!?” SCHUYLER: “I am just saying it would be faster.” CONAN: “NO RETARD!” SCHUYLER: “FINE!” GM: “What are you wearing?” SCHUYLER: “I am wearing a megabeam.” CHRIS: “I just heard from my wife.” CONAN: “You have a wife?” GM: “Lay off the guy.” CHRIS: “Yes” CONAN: “You’re male!?” GM: “Leave it--” SCHUYLER: “Their Lesbians.” GM: “Jesus, guys. Drop it and move on!!” SCHUYLER: “Which one is more hurt?” GM: “You can’t tell.” SCHUYLER: “I can’t?” GM: “Make a spot check.” SCHUYLER: “7…Grog not know which one hurt more…” GM: “You cleave through the Ninja like a hot knife…through Ninja.” (After Conan’s Druid casts flame wall.) GM: “Now you need to escape…” CONAN: “I jump through the fire.” CHRIS: “Why don’t you dispel it.” CONAN: “Oh yeah.” GM: “Teryn is here as well.” CONAN: “I flank with her.” CAM: “I am already flanking with her.” CONAN: “Can I flank with her this round and you can have her next round?” SCHUYLER: “You get sloppy seconds.” 12/19/06 CONAN: “Anything behind us?” GM: “No—“ CONAN: “They’re after us.” SCHUYLER: “I’m gonna punch him so hard, he’s gonna wish I never punched him!!” SCHUYLER: “What a clever remark.” CAM: “Savor the delicate flavor.” SCHUYLER: “Roll it around my mouth.” CONAN: “I’ll roll something around your mouth..” CAM: “I thought you were supposed to interrogate him?” CONAN: “If he is allowed to talk, I don’t know what to do.” CAM: “It’s been fifteen minutes.” CONAN: “I would be done by now if you let me hurt him!” CHRIS: “I promise I will not touch the ancient holy relic.” CAM: “No, yeah. I don’t believe you.” CAM: “I ask him about the Oracle. Oh right, it’s a new day, I get my psi powers back.” GM: “He seems to not want to talk about it.” CAM: “…And now I don’t…” CAM (to Schuyler): Take some of these Refugees to the doctor to look at them.” SCHUYLER: “Okay, I take the cutest ones…” GM: “Okay, you bring them both to the doctor. She examines them. After a while, she starts reporting…” DOCTOR: “That’s amazing…they have the same diffraction pattern in their bones as we do meaning they were developed from Magic as well. Which means it’s highly unlikely they can contract human disease.” SCHUYLER: “So they’re clean…I mean healthy? 12/12/12 Chris and Schuyler leave the gaming room. Later, Chris returns and reenters the game… CHRIS: “Anyways…” CAM: “You are not here!” CHRIS: “When did I leave?” CAM: “I told you to go?” CHRIS: “This is what I miss when I go for a drink.” GM: “Okay so Kazaan mutters to calm the conversation, It’s my fault for mixing politics and wine.” CHRIS: “I agree, but his comments—“ CAM: “You’re not here!” CHRIS: “FUCK!” CAM: “I played him like two dudes on one side of an air hockey table.” CAM: “We need to sneak by.” CONAN: “We will go by ducts.” SCHUYLER: “Why buy ducks? What purpose would that serve?” CAM: “Can you try harder for comic relief!” CAM: “I sleep with my bag.” CONAN: “I thought that was implied.” CONAN (To Schuyler): “You’re so stupid!” SCHUYLER: “You’re stupid looking!” CONAN: “God damn, does your MOM write your jokes?” The GM starts writing the quote down… SCHUYLER: “Don’t write that down!” CONAN: “There are 40 houses in Kuraukou.” GM: “60 now.” CONAN: “Okay 60.” GM: “Two are Reptillan.” CONAN: “From inbreeding?” CAM: “You are afflicted with dismay.” Chris draws his sword. CHRIS: “I never give up my weapon.” CONAN: “So what’s so great about your sword?” (Foom!! The blade erupts in flames. Chris lets is burn for a moment before deactivating… ) CONAN: “Okay, then…” SCHUYLER: “Hey that was funny…” CONAN: “You got nothing on the previous quote page.” 11/29/06 CAM: “Iceland is what happens when you leave a small group of human on an island for a thousand years. You have a small gene pool…and then you dump herring in it.” GM: “Okay…critical success. Take 15 kills with no armor.” SCHUYLER: “Holy crap…you crit my grandma!” SCHUYLER: “Ouch…You hit me right in the pilot!” SCHUYLER: “Three rounds up. Weapon is charged.” CONAN: “Fire the megabeam. SURPRISE COCKFAG!!” CAM: “I hit him in the gooch!”